we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
