But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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