Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
