there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
