pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
