i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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