**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
