I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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