maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
