No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
