I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
