So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hippo gnu deer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
