I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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