yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
