there's paper in my vomit.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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