Life is so much better after having sex.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
