so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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