I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
