I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
