Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
my liver is dry heaving
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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