The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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