Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize