Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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