Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
