If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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