I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
