If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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