So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
