Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
