Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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