____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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