6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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