Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
True strength comes from lack of pants
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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