Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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