No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
