Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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