My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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