Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
