What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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