if you like me you must not know who I am
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
