Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
tell me about the eggs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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