He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
