what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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