I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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