Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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