Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
