Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my liver is dry heaving
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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