the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
