Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
