i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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