I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
