butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
