Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
