I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
