I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
