Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
