Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
