Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
