Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You're like the curious george of whores
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
