i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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