you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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