mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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