what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
