i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
