As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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