having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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