Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
