Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
