Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize