we made out on top of his cat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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