Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
