No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
