The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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