feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
